“I’m Not Ready!”

In Uncategorized on February 15, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Yesterday I registered my baby girl for kindergarten.  I actually got teary eyed and felt nauseous on the way there.  I know, I’m a little nuts but I really couldn’t help it!  She’s my last one, not to mention my shadow.  In fact she is a “mini me”.  It’s actually fascinating.  She is so much like me even in tiny details that it makes my husband just shake his head and laugh.  She wants to be an artist, a teacher, a mommy, and a chef with her own restaurant.  She loves to read books and the library, and I’m just waiting for when she begins to read and write for her to blurt out that she wants to be a writer too.  All the things I want to be when I “grow up”!  Her favorite color is yellow, which was my favorite color all through childhood, seriously, and I never told her that.  She’s very shy and observant, and smarter than I’ll ever be.  Most of all, she’s my little partner.  Already at the tender age of 4 1/2, she’s already my friend.

I guess my sadness comes from the fact that I know this will someday change, and she may not “like” me for a little while, and probably rebel against every part of herself that is like me.  I dread the day.  The growing up is beginning, and this is the first of many times that I will have to let go.  I’m just not ready, and I’m sure it’s safe to say that I’ll probably never be.

I am truly happy for her though.  She couldn’t be more excited about going, and I know she’s ready for it.  I can also comfort myself with the fact that she has her big brother(and best friend) to look out for her.

I never experienced such heartache and joy simultaneously until I became a Mother.  My niece told me to listen to a song by Taylor Swift called “Never Grow Up”.  I did…with a box of tissues!!  It says it all.


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