The Journey of Journaling

In Uncategorized on September 2, 2010 at 6:50 pm

Last night I came across some old journals of mine.  Such an interesting read!  All kidding aside, I wanted more.  I’m famous for starting tons of journals and keeping up with them for a while, and then stopping.  That right there kind of says  a lot…starting and not finishing.  Not that journals are ever really ‘finished’, but you know what i mean.

There was one in particular that I had started just two weeks before i found out i was pregnant with my first baby, that was so insightful for me.  I didn’t want it to end.  It was like reading a great book that you don’t want to be over.  I found it especially interesting that I was on such a roll of real insight, and then everything stopped as soon as i knew i was pregnant.  I was so excited and completely enveloped by my baby that everything else just stopped.  It’s of course only natural for that to happen a little bit.  I’m so busy with nurturing others that i forget how nurturing it is for me to journal.  I guess i’ll just have to continue on in that journal, just 6 years later!  I’ll of course fill in that gap with the most important tidbits i can recall, and then continue with the present.  If nothing else, this journal will be something to share with my children someday.  Everything will become clear to them after reading it, i hope.  I may even share an excerpt or two in a separate blog, we’ll see.

The other journal that was so great to look at was one that i decided to write during my second pregnancy.  Something in me knew before it was ‘official’ that i was having a girl.  I thought it would be nice for her to have one day, maybe when she is having a child of her own.  I thought it would be interesting to compare pregnancies, and for her to know the thoughts and emotions i felt while carrying her.  I think also that when i became pregnant the second time, i realized how much i had forgotten from the first.  I wish I had taken the time to do the same then as well.  Live and learn i guess!  But that journal too, was not finished.  The end of my second pregnancy was stressful to say the least.  I was put on restricted activity due to early labor, and we were moving all at the same time.  I think i packed the journal, and never got a chance to unpack it!  I will revisit that journal as well. So much to add.  Some of it will be painful to re-visit.  My daughter was very sick when she was born, and spent a lot of time in the hospital.  The most difficult time of my life by far.  I’ve been wanting to write about that for a long time, but haven’t had the courage to yet…I will.  When i look at her now, healthy and 4yrs. old, i often get overwhelmed with emotion.  Many life lessons learned there.

Well, off i go to start filling in those blanks.  I hope I keep learning on the journey of journaling, and this time I’m determined to keep going.


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